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Managing School Related Stress

Stress…it’s natural! Especially when it comes to school, children of all ages are bound to experience some form of stress throughout their academic careers. Stress comes in many forms. There can be positive, naturally-induced stress, such as what you may experience when planning a big party, rehearsing for a performance, buying your first car, or practicing for Sunday’s big game. Negative stress, however, comes into play when experiencing things like exclusion from social events, bullying or teasing, learning struggles, or family issues.

Why are students stressed out?   

School-related stress can come from the anticipation of change, like a new teacher, a new class, changing routine, or a different schedule. The struggles today are more in contrast to what we as parents and caregivers may have experienced when we were young students, largely due to technology and social media, which makes it harder to put a pause on some increased stressors our kids face. These differences have made it all but impossible for our youth to escape some of the social conflicts they face during the school year. In the 80s and 90s, Summer break and school vacations usually meant we didn’t have to see some people at all, which was a reprieve for those who faced bullying and teasing. Most of today’s students have social media, which puts them at risk for an inability to escape the taunts and jeers from others. Parents don’t always know about this happening, which is why it’s important to stay connected with your child. We’ll get to that in more detail later in this blog. 

If your child is already feeling the stress of the school year, ask yourself these questions: 

If the answer is no, one of the first things I recommend is to carve out time regularly for your child and allow them the opportunity to decompress. This can look like quiet time for calm mindfulness, yoga, or deep breathing exercises. It can also look like participating in activities just for the joy of it, like video games, art classes, karate, or dance. 

I believe everyone should view themselves as whole, perfect, and complete. Young people can be taught that, and we as parents and caregivers get to role model that. Consider these questions and solutions for yourself as well, to establish a culture of wellness in your home and life.  

How to decrease stress 

Establishing a reliable routine helps us to fight stress because we know what to expect in our lives. A solid daily routine creates structure and security for our youth. So much of our kids’ lives are decided for them – their schedule, their meals, their learning schedules, and more. Parents and teachers usually run the show, so when children and adolescents know generally what they can expect from their day, it helps put some control back into their lives and reduce the opportunity for negative stress.  

To decrease stress, try prioritizing these 3 basic things:  

  1. Ensure a good night’s sleep. We function best physically, emotionally, and academically when we’ve allowed our bodies true rest.  
  1. Eat healthy as best as you can. Some days are so busy that we’ll take what we can get, but try to make filling, nutritional meals the norm.  
  1. Move your body every day. This doesn’t have to mean dedicated exercise; this can be in the form of walking around, dancing, or jumping for joy.  

For your child and for yourself, if you can do this, you’ve won half the battle!  

Establishing your structure of support 

While stress can be positive, negative, or neutral, it’s normal to have stress and important to know how to manage that. This is where the “it takes a village” philosophy comes in. Our role as parents and caregivers is to serve as the leader and build a community of people who will help our child grow and succeed. This will best serve us when it comes time to protect and advocate for the young people in our lives. Here’s how you can do this: 

Stay connected to your child by having a daily check-in. 

This doesn’t have to be a rigorous check-in but it’s important to stay connected to your child. Asking general questions like how their day was can result in a disinterested, one-word response, so try asking more specific questions that require detailed replies and may help facilitate a more connected conversation. Try: 

Pick a time to do these check-ins when your child is most relaxed and in a comfortable environment.  This could be in the car on the drive home, at the dinner table, or during an evening walk. Follow your usual family dynamics to tune in to your child and when they seem most open to meaningful conversation, even if only for a few minutes. 

Stay connected with their teachers, coaches, counselors, and other school staff. 

Now that you’ve established your daily connection routine, it’s time to build your community.  Help your child identify the people they can rely upon within their schools and other spaces outside of home. This could be their science teacher, a coach, a counselor, the school principal, the nurse, etc. Identifying these people means your child feels safe to be able to go to them for help. When we don’t feel safe, we have a difficult time functioning, so if you can ensure your child feels safe in their school, you can then move into academic and behavioral expectations.  

On a personal note, my own son struggled with anxiety at the beginning of one school year. I called up the school and spoke with his counselor. I asked for them to do 4 check-ins with my son during that month. By connecting with this school counselor, I was not only building my community for trusted adults with my son, but I was letting them know that I am present and aware of what’s going on with my child, role-modeling this community-building with my son and encouraging him to lean on these trusted adults, and relinquishing some of my own control to help my son thrive. 

Be mindful of your own emotions and experiences 

Working with other trusted adults in our children’s lives also allows us to take the time to observe when something is happening and figure out our own resources to manage the situation. Sometimes, we can lack clarity when our child is struggling because it could be triggering to us and our own emotions. For example, if you were teased in school as a child and now you are witnessing it happening with your child, it can be emotionally stressful to have that come back up, which in turn may bring more stress upon your child. When we work with other trusted professionals, it allows us to take a step back and support our child. Those who are inside the school take the lead on resolution while we focus on parenting, supporting, and advocating for our child.  

Strategies to avoid over-stressing and manage stress when it happens 

We can do all the “right” things, and stress will still make its way into our lives. So how can we support our children when stress bubbles up to the surface?  

Make time for downtime 

Don’t immediately expect your child to complete their homework after being at school for the last 8 hours. Build relaxation into your daily routines. Homework can be done with short breaks.  

Advocate for their needs 

Normalize seeking additional support and empower yourself to advocate for your child in the school system. If their current services aren’t working, you can negotiate and advocate for change. Whether they need a tutor, additional time for test taking, an IEP, 504, or speech services, you are your child’s top advocate. 

Learn how your child learns!  

We all learn differently – some of us are audial learners, others are better with visual aids, and some of us need to write it out. We can use social media and technology to our advantage with learning, too! There are YouTube and TikTok videos for so many topics, and some teachers even have accounts for additional learning. Get creative with your approach. You may find the right resource online to help your child get a deeper understanding of a topic…and have some fun along the way.  

Teach, role model, and allow your child time to practice 

Once they begin practicing academics, remember that it is OK if the end-result is not perfect right away or what you thought it was going to look like. Think about it like teaching a 5-year-old to make their bed. The first few times they do it, it may look awfully sloppy, but the blankets are pulled across the bed. After a few tries, you can teach them about smoothing out the blankets, then folding over the top, arranging pillows, and maybe even bouncing a quarter off the top. This takes time, just like their academics. Provide clear communication of your expectations for improvement, role model these expectations whenever possible, and allow them the time to grow and improve.  

As for tactical stress reduction techniques, this will vary from person to person. Consider your individual child. Are they cerebral? They may prefer a cognitive activity, like a puzzle, to help them unwind. Are they extroverted? A weekly sport activity might be a good de-stressor.  

Personally, I take time every day to pause. For 15 minutes each day, I do nothing but breathe. This is also where it’s important to role model the behavior we want our children to develop. When we have positive, healthy responses to stress, it teaches our children to take on a similar technique, and then they may even be able to help others when they are feeling stressed. 

Step by step, we do our best 

My motto is “Step by step, we do our best.” This is something I recite with students in the middle school setting, and the very same mantra applies to parenting and raising children. Stress will happen for you and for them, but it is manageable. Be their safe person and you will always win.   

alina serrano
About the Expert 


Alina Serrano is a licensed clinical social worker and Clinical Therapy Director for School Health services at PM Pediatric Care. She believes all beings are to know themselves as “whole, perfect, and complete.” It is her mission to support others, specifically young people, in identifying their strengths and unique qualities. Alina supports her clients through learning how to manage their emotions and life circumstances. With a keen listening ear and a compassionate strategic approach, she will inspire, motivate, and coach you through your hardest emotions as well as the best choices and practices for your life. Her motto is “step by step, we do our best!”. She is also the founder and Co-director of a non-profit called Yes Sister Friend! Inc.  where she works with girls and young womxn to cultivate sisterhood, increase their self-esteem, and develop leadership skills. Ms. Serrano received her Master’s Degree from Barry University and Bachelor’s Degree from Hunter College, CUNY.